From the Bowl to the Oven, Cooking up a Small Business.

I love to cook. Cooking is an activity in which a person can expel pent-up creativity by punching things, making (almost) toxic poisons and sweetening the most mundane of foods. You can go crazy, throw the whole thing away, start again and still feel as if you've accomplished something. This is not what starting a business is like.

I have a dream, and it's a modest one, and I'm really trying to make it come true, in the tradition of a good fairy tale. Only I'm my own fairy godmother, and I've misplaced my wand, and I can't remember the words to the spell because I only got 3 hours of sleep last night, having been up with my 5 year old son, and I don't really even care if Cinderella gets to go to the damn ball or not, I just want chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate. This is what it is like to try to have a normal, small-town life and to start a business at the same time. Finishing the laundry seems like a dream to me, so how do I manage to make my business dream a priority?

No really, I was really asking. I have no clue, I tell you. It's funny, too, because the whole idea of my business revolves around the art of gift giving, and the whole idea behind gift giving is to tap into another person's dreams and desires and fulfill them, and yet....I'm having quite a time tapping into my own. I know they're there. My brain gets all jumbled up with ideas (usually at 3:00 in the morning, when I'd rather be sleeping) but getting them all out and into the world seems sometimes like just a big pit of despair. I actually visualize it as the Tar Pits in La Brea. Lots of ideas wander in....none come back out again. My 'freighbor' or friend + neighbor would tell me simply that that is why I'm having so much trouble....I just need to visualize the whole mess as organized and simple and elegant and the universe will aid me in making it happen in reality. Quite possibly, that is true. However, we have the whole 'real life' thing that gets in the way as well as my own little panic sessions, and just general logistics.

So in the mean time, while my husband works diligently on the tech side of things and I continue to scribble down ideas and vow not to spend any more money on inventory, I cook. I cook breakfast everyday for the three of us (sometimes healthy things, oftener bacon and eggs.) Lunch remains a scattered mess, but I think that's what lunch is all about anyway, and supper. Supper is where I shine, supper is when I bring down the house. Iowa Chops and Apples, Vegetarian Chili, Shepherd's Pie; recipes that involve chopping and rinsing and stirring and care.

If only I could throw my business dough in a bowl, spice it, stir it, stick it in a pan and throw it in the oven at 350 degrees, I could really make something happen.

But maybe that's all I'm really doing anyway. It always looks like a mess before it's done, right?

I think I still need the chocolate anyway.